"Come we stay Marriages II"

Thank you for you compliments. Yes I have found favour and consider my self very blessed. My spouse is indeed a tremendous blessing from the Lord and we are more in love today than we were back than. I will not exchange her for another woman. I have found my better half and to God be the glory. All the things we gave up have come back a hundred fold. If are given a chance to do it again we will not change anything. We did not even make invitations. All those who showed up came through word of mouth .

In high school I prayed that the Lord will bless me with a spouse who will love me just as I am. The Lord answered my prayer when, I met my beloved wife at the end of year one at the University of Buea and she accepted to get marry to me. It was a step of faith on her path, because I was not economically viable and there was nothing in the horizon to look forward to. I actually told her that, I do not know how things were going to work out, but all I know is that Lord is taking care and it will be well. We decided not to borrow a dime for the wedding, when the time came for us to get marry. Things worked out for us and we started debt free and have strive to remain like that.

Marriage has been given a bad name because many people get marry and their businesses collapse. Some get into a lot of debt that even threatens the marriage. That is why there is a popular saying in Cameroon that “Marriage ties people down and slows them”. This statement reflects the reality of many couples, for they go through a lot to get marry. Instead of parents helping their children to get marry, many place a heavy burden on them, especially the sisters. Each child is the same and there is no reason to expect the female child to bring in money when they are ready to get marry. There are many justifications that are given to support this. Most people say that if you as a man can not afford to pay and organize a good wedding then you are not ready to get marry. There is some truth to this statement, but economic well being should not be the only determining factor.

I heard evangelist Ben singing that the spirit of late marriage should be broken. We have some action to apply to that prayer. Late marriage in some cases is attributed to couples waiting to make sure that they have enough money to get marry. They are also waiting for that furnish house, good job and all the other good stuff. Please we are a people of faith and have to walk by faith even in the area of marriage.

I am writing from having been married for 9 years. God is faithful and will always provide. We had our first son as students and two other children as students and they lord has always been there for us. I remember many people telling me not to bring my young wife and son to the US because I was a student and going through financial difficulties. I told them that God’s will is for married couples to live together. Therefore the economic situation can not over ride God’s will. I went ahead and brought them and the rest is history.

What can we do to address the issue of “come we stay” and late marriages etc? Education is the first step and each and every one of us should be an educator. We need to question the statuesque and make sure society does not place undue burdens on us and our love ones. The lord has blessed us with three girls and we have already told our families that we will not be asking for dowry when our girls will be getting marry. If there is anything we can do to honour our parents, aunts, cousins and uncles, we will do it now and not wait when our girls will be getting marry.

As I said, some of us have a lot of resources and nothing should prevent them from organizing big weddings. If you can afford the pomp and the show go for it. If you can not, do not borrow to please people and later suffer in your home. The quality of your marriage is not dependent on the size of your wedding. Every successful marriage takes time, commitment, dedication, trust, faith, hope, love effort, dying to self and a lot of hard work. The wedding ceremonies themselves are just a one time thing and it is very easy to put up a show. Reality sets in after a few days and as the years go bye if the qualities mentioned above are not present, the marriage will stink. At times I laugh at how easy it is to put up a show. How many of us who are married still put food into the mouths of our spouse as we did with the wedding cake?

For those who are single. May be you are still unmarried because your priorities are not right. The Bible says when we seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness all the other things will be added. Your first prayer for a mate should be that the lord should pair you with somebody that will be a partner for the advancement of God’s kingdom. There is nothing wrong to pray for a job, well furnished house etc. My only concern is that you should not allow the lack of these things to prevent you from taking a step of faith and getting married. Long courtships are hazardous and should be avoided at all cost. You are either married or you are not. No matter how long you stay with somebody, you will never truly know them until you make that commitment and dedication to love cherish them for the rest of your life.