Cameroon: Bridegroom Drunk in Church

Cameroon: Bridegroom Drunk in Church

Martin Nkematabong

2 April 2009


Rufus had consumed excess of palm wine and 'kitoko' hours before his church wedding. Last weekend, petals of flowers and balloons of assorted colours glittered and dangled at the courtyard and corridors of one of the municipal councils in Bamenda, announcing the eminence of a great wedding. Thereabout, groups of expert traditional dancers spoiled their faces ululations, charged from angle to angle and split the air with the peaks of their local swords.

The jollity attained its climax when a galaxy of motorcycles alarmed from the left flank of the council hall, ushering in a Toyota Carina carrying Rufus and Rebecca. The wedding car gradually propelled towards the council hall. Rufus, who was clad in a grey 'super 200' and kiwi-dark 'pointininy' majestically stepped out and walked into the main hall. Rebecca, also veiled from head to toe, haughtily followed.

Then, the mayor's adult Land Cruiser appeared, cruising over lumps of brown earth that carpet the narrow path leading to his parking lot. The imperturbable frenzied dancers and wanton riders relaxed, and streamed into the hall. Then, the wedding ceremony began. Rufus and Rebecca heartily repeated the marriage oath after the administrator, exchanged silver rings and boisterously walked into the courtyard for memorial photo shots.

The second phase of the marriage was scheduled, just a few hours after, at a parish chapel located some kilometers away from the council hall. The wedding car wheeled towards the church direction, leaving behind active participants who still scuttled over the homemade drinks. The parish choir had just begun animation. A church warden conducted Rufus and Rebecca to the front seat, while the parish priest and mass servants filed in.

The priest beckoned, then the catechist ushered the couple towards the altar. But Rufus had visibly lost stamina. He sleepily staggered towards the tabernacle, wearing a seismic smile. The catechist strove to guide him away from the most holy arena, but Rufus shunned him.

The bridegroom dropped a lump of hot spittle at the crest of the holy ground, fumbled back to his seat and struggle to make a statement, but words stocked in his throat. He farted, yawned uncontrollably, and then lay on the bench.

The exasperated priest concerted with the catechist and retired with his mass servants. Meanwhile, friends and relatives rescued a frozen Rebecca from the foot of the altar. Rufus had consumed excess of palm wine, 'kitoko', corn beer and 'fichock' at the cultural hall. And at press time, a chunk of tipsy riders heralded Rufus home without Rebecca.